Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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