in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
