true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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