my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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