I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
