I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
