I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
