i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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