I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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