I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
