she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
