i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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