If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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