They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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