ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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