so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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