Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize