DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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