Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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