There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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