When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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