why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
