ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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