I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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