Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
