I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
