Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am available for nakedness
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
