dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
