this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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