You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
