To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're too hungover to prance.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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