I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you never un-have a 4some
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize