some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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