I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
