Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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