Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
