Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
