Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
