I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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