it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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