I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
