i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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