He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
