i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this hospital has no fireball
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
