Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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