just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
