I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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