arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize