Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
