Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's always time for handjobs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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