My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
