Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
