went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
