I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
your like the ambassador to my penis.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
