this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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