i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
