I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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