is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
