Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize