You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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