i need an iv and a liver transplant
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
