the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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