I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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