you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
