I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
