I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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