please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize