Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
