The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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