rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
