Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
