please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
