I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
