you have to choose: penises or morals?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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