Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
