six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
