Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
