I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
