You can't motorboat a personality
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
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