Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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