I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
