Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
