as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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