if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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