So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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