I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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