i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
