We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
