I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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