Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize