I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
