I love black thongs
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
