great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
