my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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