I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
