maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
