After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
