My nipple is on Facebook.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
