i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
