just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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