I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
