My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
