how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
