Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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