I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
