You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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