Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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