I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize