no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
