The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize