I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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