Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
