Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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