Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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